For many, Mother’s Day is about celebration, a day when the roles are invested and children are destined to let their mothers know how much they mean for them.
But for the estimate of every 10 mothers who have suffered a spontaneous abortion or lost a child, the day is often painful.
“There are the mothers who can hold their baby in their arms, and the joy and the messy breakfast in bed, and all those things you see in the cards and posters: the symbolic and typical mother’s day. But for those of us who have had a loss, mother’s day is very difficult,” says Nancy Slinn, coordinator of the Parents Bereoved Society of Metro Vancouver.
Slinn became pregnant the first time she and her husband Peter tried in 1988 and thought it would be easy to have more children. But in the years that followed, they suffered two involuntary abortions, a surgery and then a fetal death.
“I can still remember every detail of all my losses, especially the day we lost our dead daughter,” says Slinn, speaking from his home in New Westminster, BC
“I stillph. It is a different type of loss now, all these years later, but it is still there. The pain never disappears.”
In Canada, almost 100,000 couples every year lose a child at some point in the period between becoming pregnant and the first six weeks of their baby’s life, according to the Center for Studies and Research on Family Health Intervention.
For some mothers, that means suffering a loss in their life, but others, such as Slinn, will endure numerous spontaneous abortions or children’s deaths.
“Losing a baby at any stage and for any reason is one of the most devastating experiences of life. You have not only lost the physical baby, but also all the hopes, dreams and plans that you had already begun to create for that child, since you knew of its existence,” says Slinn.
It is one of the most common types of losses that people experience, says Heather Mohan, counselor of Duel and co -founder of Lumara Biereavement, a non -profit organization based in Parksville, BC, about 150 kilometers northwest of Victoria. It is also one of the least commented.
“I think there is a lot of silence because people are not sure how to talk about it, I’m not sure how to address it.”
The result is that parents often feel invisible in their pain, says Mohan.
“And consequently, when something is invisible, there are no corresponding funds or services to provide support or programs, because no one has identified it as a problem or as a problem.”
On Mother’s Day, that feeling of invisibility and isolation can feel particularly strong because, although these women will always be mothers, not everyone will know or recognize it, says Mohan.
And although the instinct of people can be to ignore the issue completely to avoid causing pain of a loved one, she says that it is likely to be the opposite of what mothers need.
“I can assure you, you are not mentioning something that they are not thinking yet, particularly a day like this when mothers are being honored and celebrated.”
Slinn says that in his experience, the best thing that people can do is ask mothers directly how they want honest day.
“Because some people will say: ‘Oh, no, I just want to crawl on bed and stay under the sheets.’ And some people will say:” I am still a mother, regardless of the fact that my baby lives in my heart, not in my arms. ”
At the speed7:29Talk about pregnancy and loss of babies
It is one of the most difficult things that a family can happen, and health workers say that we must talk more about it. Erin Bockstael, of the Women’s Health Clinic, tells the guest presenter Cory Funk about the importance of talking about pregnancy and child loss.
In all Canada, the duel license is minimal and there are very few supports for parents who cry the death of a child. But the bill of a private member presented by Langley-Willowbrook Mla Jody Toor earlier this year in BC seeks to establish perinatal and postnatal mental health care in the province, even for parents who have experienced a spontaneous abortion or child death.
Until now, the bill has received strong support from legislators through a first and second reading of it, but must overcome a committee and inform in stage, as well as a third reading before being approved. The following stages have not yet been programmed.
Toor was not immediately available to comment on the bill.
“We have much hope that something positive comes out of this,” says Mohan.
Meanwhile, groups such as Lumara’s duel and the empty cradle continue to offer pain supports the best they can.
