Anna Ho begins her videos with the phrase: “I live in Vancouver and I have no friends.”
The 23-year-old has lived in Vancouver her entire life, but says that after graduating high school and not continuing with post-secondary education, she discovered there aren’t many opportunities to meet people in the city that has a hostile reputation.
The problem of loneliness in Vancouver was so serious that the municipal government launched a working group in 2012 to increase Vancouverites’ sense of belonging and inclusion. A decade later, Vancouver was described as “not so friendly” and ranked among the 10 worst cities for expats to live and work by InterNations, a company that ranked 50 cities around the world.
That’s why Ho challenged herself to do 30 friend-making activities in Vancouver and document her trip on TikTok, garnering hundreds of thousands of views.
Ho went to an electronic music festival with strangers, took a painting class alone, and tried to find friends through the Bumble BFF app.
“Meeting new people is very tiring and tiring because it’s like a job interview or a date,” Ho said in an interview with CBC News.
She is trying to do at least one activity a week, investing time and money, since, according to her, the activities have cost her hundreds of dollars so far.
Experts on friendship and loneliness say it’s important for people to get out of their comfort zone and point out that Vancouverites’ challenges in making friends are also prevalent in Seattle, a city that has a widely accepted term describing its loneliness problem. loneliness.
‘Everyone already had their circles of friends’
Kimberley Brownlee, a Canadian research professor in Ethics and Social and Political Philosophy at the University of British Columbia who specializes in loneliness and belonging, says Ho’s challenge may not be effective if she meets different people at each activity.
“Unless her choice of activity puts this woman in regular contact with the same people, she will not cultivate friendships as such. However, she will exercise social muscles, she will take opportunities to practice being friendly and those are the skills we take into friendship. “
Brownlee says making friends can be difficult anywhere and takes a lot of effort, but points out things like the rainy weather in Vancouver that could make it more difficult.
“Just looking at the geography and weather patterns of a city can tell us a little bit about how much effort people have to make to be social,” he said.
CBC News asked people in downtown Vancouver how easy it is to make friends in a city with a reputation for being hostile. Some who have moved from different cities say it is a challenge, while others advise people to get out of their comfort zone.
Some people in their 20s CBC News spoke to say Vancouver can be an isolated place for those who aren’t originally from there.
“Everyone already had their circles of friends and it was harder to relate to people who were already close-knit,” said Sofia Katrina, who moved to Vancouver from Kelowna.
However, others said they have no difficulty making friends. “I’ll meet friends at the bar. I’ll meet friends outside the house,” Dylan Wharndy said.
“I think people just need to push themselves out of their comfort zone a little bit. I think everyone is a little lonely. Everyone is looking for company, especially in big cities like this.”
Ho said he’s learning not to take rejection seriously when meeting new people.
“Not everyone will like you, and that has nothing to do with you personally,” he said.
Lessons from Seattle?
In another Pacific Northwest city, there’s a term commonly used to describe the difficulty of making friends: the “Seattle Freeze.”
“It’s like this coldness, this distance. People aren’t very open to wanting to call you to be a close friend. They’re friendly enough but not inviting. They’re passive and kind of cold,” said Alexandra Friedman, who grew up in Seattle and has been a friendship coach since 2019.
But he said that naming this phenomenon is not helpful and can be used as an excuse to justify why some people fail to make friends.
“If I were to help Seattle or Vancouver, it would be to stop using this freeze as an excuse and start focusing on what’s working and how we can make more progress on that,” he said.
Ho has completed less than a third of his challenge and says he has made a friend so far. She says that even if she doesn’t make more friends, her efforts won’t be in vain.
“I would hope that even if I didn’t hang out with as many friends as I thought I would, I would grow as a person and not take it seriously at all,” she said.
“I hope this whole series I’m doing gives people a positive light and comfort.”
