Bhai, I am very happy for Mamdani, very happy, don’t even ask. How cute it is. With that youthful smile of his. And his good English. And the way he makes ghulo milos with everyone, even the poor and the Africans.
And thank God, his beard isn’t that big or that bushy either. And his wife, Rahma, so stylish with her short hair, cool outfits and eyeliner. Suna hai artist hai. And like him, also a Muslim, but only from Syria. Apparently he speaks furr furr Arabic. But Mashallah seems like a complete foreigner. Both husband and wife give such a nice impression of us to the world, na.
Inshallah, when Kulchoo gets married and has a son, I will name him Zohran. I’ve only pondered the name since now. And if he has a girl (which I hope he doesn’t because the firstborn should always be a boy), I’ll name her Rahma.
At this time, Indians becharon kay liye main bohat feel karti hoon, vaisay. They don’t know what to do with Zohran. Actually, tau, Zohran is quite Indian. Her mother is completely Indian (oho baba, she’s just Mira Nair, voh Monsoon Weddings vaali) and also completely Hindu. He wears tilak and speaks Hindi. And although the father says he is African (he doesn’t look African from anywhere, vaisay), in reality, peechhay se, he is Gujrati, not our Chaudhriyon vaala Gujrat but his Modi vaala Gujrat.
New York’s new political heartthrob might have unleashed Modi and Trump, but the real battle is over his name…
So with Rishi Sunak (remember him?) and the Koh-i-Noor diamond and the dum pukht lamb, the Indian Tau are dying to run out and put their thappa on Zohran and say he is ours too, but the problem is that he went and announced that he is a Muslim. Tau ab, what to do?
And this Zohran thapparhh after Trump has already slapped tariffs on India and already done kutti with Modi. Apparently Trump went to Korea and made Modi nakals there and called our field martial “a great guy” and at worst he went and said we took down eight of his plains. Can you imagine how much Modi must have gotten dirty?
And I think yes, Zohran is not a fan of Modi either. Apparently he quoted Nehru in his acceptance speech and Nehru tau is Modi’s number one enemy, na (even though he has been dead for 50, 60 years). And Zohran said, “If that dajjal Netanyahu comes to New York, he will arrest him because he is a war criminal.” And Netanyahu and Modi tau are pukka’s best friends. So, one big slap after another for Modi.
But to be honest, many Americans are also complaining after receiving this joota in the face. Muslim-hating, Israel-loving white Americans like Nylon Must, Trump, VD Dance, and other rich guys named Bill Ache Man, who gave millions of dollars to try to take down our cute Zohran. Aur karay. Haan. I’m so glad your millions went to the brain.
You know, I used to think that everything could be taken from you except your blood and your faith. No matter what happens, those two things are still yours. But VD Dance now says that poor Usha (oho bhai, his wife) should stop being Hindu and embrace Catholicism as strongly as she embraced Erika Kirk.
And poor Andrew, who was a blood prince, is now just an aam aadmi. His blood must have changed from blue to red. I wonder if he will join the aam aadmi group now. Apparently, William and Kate don’t bar mano kiya hai uske saath. They told Charles Kay to take him out before he ruins our brand too. Imagine! Doing that to your own chacha. Honestly…
I was telling Janoo all this about poor Usha and poor Andrew, but majaal hai he will listen to me even for a minute. All day, all night, he talks and talks about the 27th Amendment and how this will make the military even stronger and civilians even weaker and how judges will be sidelined and God knows what else is boring, boring.
Tau, when Mulloo called and wanted to chat, I made him shukar karoed. She called me, very excited, to tell me that her sister’s daughter had twins (a boy and a girl) and they wanted name suggestions. Her sister’s daughter is called Zara and her husband is Zahid, that’s why they want names with Z for the babies too.
“I was thinking about suggesting Zohran and Zaina,” Mulloo said. Honestly, Mulloo has a bad feeling about grabbing anything he wants. The moment I think about something, she’s on it.
“No, no,” I said, calming down. “Don’t make copies of Zohran. Be a little more original.”
“What do you suggest?”
“How about Zehereela and Zehereeli?”
Posted in Dawn, EOS, November 16, 2025
